My dad’s cancer is back.  He is still doing chemo/radiation for another 4 weeks but refuses to have another surgery.  

Today on the phone he asks me how he can get a passport.  I tell him, then ask him why.  ”So I can go back to Cambodia and die there.”…..

Being completely honest, my first reaction was happiness.  What would you want for someone you love so much?  Part of me is being selfish and wanting him here, and to fight, fight as hard as he can.  And then there is the other part of me (probably about 80% of me) that felt the happiness of hearing him say that he just wants to be happy.  My father came to the U.S. in the 70’s, leaving beind all but 2 of his family members.  He hasn’t been back since.  My entire childhood he’s talked of going back to live his “last days” in Cambodia.  I just cant believe those days are already here. 

After starting to cry for a minute, I got a mental image of my father laying in the Cambodian sun, speaking his native language, listening to the music he loves and worrying about nothing.  This is all I could ever wish for my dad.  I believe it’s such a personal decision, what to do when faced with death… and all I can do is help my dad to be as comfortable and happy as he can <3